A Jedi Mystery!
by CelticPhantom
Summary: During a weekend retreat someone is murdered and it’s up to a not quite sane ObiWan to solve who did it before more people are off'd.


**Title**: A Jedi Mystery!  
**Author**: CelticPhantom  
**Summary**: During a weekend retreat someone is murdered and it's up to a not quite sane Obi-  
Wan to solve who did it before more people are offed  
**DISCLAIMER**: I do not on the Star Wars universe or characters if I did I would be happy beyond belief but unfortunately I do not.

A/N: This is based off of a previous Legend of Dragoon humor fic I had written, unfortunately that version is lost as some _problems_ with the chat format and decided not to give me any time to save it. Since that was lost to the ages I decided to take the basic idea, change it around a bit, and make it a Star Wars fic.

**A Jedi Mystery!**

**IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

On a foggy day in a galaxy far, far away on the remote planet of Dantooine sat a gigantic mansion, a mansion owned by the Emp- Supreme Chancellor, Palpatine. In his infinite greed he saw a perfect chance to amass more wealth with which he planned to rule the galaxy. By hosting a housewarming party he could get many, many gifts and return them afterwards his plan was flawless.

"Greetings Master Yoda, enjoy the party." Palpatine said, his beady little eyes staring greedily at the gift the tiny Jedi Master had hovering beside him.

"Enjoy it I will, brought bean dip I did." Yoda said, presenting a bowl that looked like he had dragged through a swamp and then added a can of beans."

"Errr, thank you Master Yoda." Palpatine said, swearing he saw a snake slither around in the bowl, "This is most appreciated."

As soon as Yoda had joined the party Palpatine dumped the contents into a plant, which immediately proceeded to wither and die.

With no warning the lights went out and soon enough a high pitched, feminine shriek cut through the building, causing the Chancellor to take cover as the windows around him shattered. As suddenly as they went out the lights flickered back to life, "What the hell was that?" Palpatine asked as he hurried into the room filled with party guests.

"Sorry." Anaking muttered meekly, "I don't like the dark."

Mace Windu spit out the punch he had been drinking and broke into fits of laughter.

"Oh shut up Mace, we've all heard about your little bed wetting problems." Count Dooku...countered.

Immediately the bald Jedi stopped laughing and walked away sipping his punch and glaring daggers at the former Jedi.

"Have a problem I think we have." Said Yoda, pointing to the corpse of Qui-Gon Jinn laying on the floor.

Chancellor Palpatine looked around nervously, "Uhh no that's been there for a while."

Another scream, louder this time, causing all the people present to cover their ears in fear of hearing loss drew their attention.

Anakin stared at them.

They stared back.

Anakin stared.

They stared.

"What I spilled my punch." Anakin said, finally breaking the silence.

Stare

"Oh go to hell."

Palpatine stood there for a moment wondering if this was all worth the money. He then remembered that he was going to use it to take over the world and went back to pretending he liked all these people when in all likelihood he was probably going to kill them in oh say four or five years.

The doorbell rang and Palpatine immediately went to answer it and found several people at the door. "Master Secura, Master Fisto, Mr. Fett, and Mr. The Hutt so good to see all of you." He stopped as his eyes came to a fifty or sixty year old looking man wearing a janitor outfit, "And I'm afraid I don't know you sir."

"I'm Steve." He said as he walked past the Chancellor.

"Oooook, nice to meet you Steve." The Empor-Chancellor said staring at the stranger as he walked into the mansion.

The others followed Steve, after Kit Fisto had cut a hole in the doorway large enough for the massive sack of...wealth known as Jabba to lumber through.

"You know you got a dead body here." Came Steve's voice.

"Oh yes, that's just Master Jinn he's been here for about ten years now...don't really know why his body was so well preserved...or why he's here?" Palpatine said, asking himself as much as answering the question.

Mace spoke up, "Uh he's not pointing to Qui-Gon."

Palpatine rolled his eyes, "Well who else would he be pointing at?"

Steve nudged the body a couple of times with his foot before he kicked it over eliciting a round of gasps from the partygoers.

"It's JarJar." Anakin said.

Mace leaned against the wall, "Oh great we have a murderer on the loose."

"I don't even remember inviting him." Palpatine mused.

"Hate him everybody does, motive we all have." Yoda said as he jabbed the body with his gimmer stick.

Palpatine shook his head, "Fine I guess I'd better call the cops if everyone is going to make a big deal out of this whole _homicidal maniac on the loose_ thing." He continued on muttering obscenities as he made his way to the nearest phone which was in the next room over, and with this being the gigantic mansion of the Supreme Chancellor he was there in about three hours.

**IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

A loud rapping on the door drew their attention.

"Ah that must be the detective the police said they were going to send, I believe they promised me their finest." He said to the partiers as he walked over to the door.

The knocking continued, "Hold on dammit." Palpatine said as he swung the door open.

The party stared in shock as Obi-Wan strode in, "Thanks for inviting me, I mean honestly you invited my whiney little Apprentice, a muppet, and a giant worm that eats from a bathtub filled with fried lard."

They all stared at Obi-Wan.

He stared back.

They stared.

He stared.

They stared.

"What? Anyway I'd better start the investigation." Obi-Wan said as he pulled out a magnifying glass.

Kit spoke up, "Uh they sent you?"

"Yes, why?" Obi-Wan replied.

Ayala stepped in, "We're just wondering why you're working for the police on Dantooine."

"Long story short I needed more money or they were going to take my thumbs and a crooked cop can make a killing on Dantooine."

They all stared at him

He stared back

They stared.

Finally he broke the silence, "Oh you can all go to hell."

With that the Jedi Master walked by the group and headed for the stairs.

"Ummm where are you going?" Mace asked.

"To take a nap, and nobody leaves or I automatically throw them in jail."

This caused Anakin to grumble with anger.

Obi-Wan twisted around, his lightsaber ignited and held up like a club, "What did you just say!"

"Nothing!" Anaking said, taking cover behind Master Secura.

"Good." He said, combing his hair back into place and regaining his humble demeanor, "I will begin interviewing everybody tomorrow."

Jango looked at his watch, "But it's only 2:30 how long do you plan on napping."

Obi-Wan shook his head, "Not long but I have like six hours of T.V. I tapped that I'm never going to get to unless I watch it now." The Jedi said as he headed up to the bedroom...the trip took an hour and a half, he took three naps on the way.

And so began the week of a thousand murders...d'I mean the Jedi Mystery.

**IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

A/N: So what did everybody think, please Review, tell me what you liked and what you didn't and most important of all if you enjoyed it.

Oh and this may not get updated very often because I would like to focus on my other fic Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt (shameless promotion) but I should still get around to updating at least once a week or so.


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